Sometimes I walk into a business establishment and in the space of a few sentences of
conversation with the salesperson I know that I'm not going to buy anything from
him or her. On the other hand, there are salespeople who can just about sell me
anything...
What makes a good salesperson? In my experience, it is someone with the
talent of being able to make me believe that I, the client, am the most
important person in this transaction, and that the sale will take place only if
it is in my best interests. Even in the case that I end up not making the
purchase, the belief in my sound judgment is not shaken; rather, the salesperson interprets my "no" as meaning, "I'm not ready yet but try me again in the
future." It is this complete belief in and focus on the client and
his or her needs that makes a successful salesperson.
These sales techniques can be adapted by parents wishing to improve their
parenting skills. Our job as parents is to sell our children to themselves. The
first point of reference for a child's self-esteem -- or lack thereof -- comes
from what the child believes the parents think of him or her. It is therefore
important to convince the child that although s/he may not be perfect, s/he is
still special and is continuously working towards acquiring more skills.
A child who doesn't do homework or has a messy room and is repeatedly told
"you never do you homework" or "you are very messy" might start believing that
about him or herself and is likely to start to live up to that expectation sooner or later.
On the other hand, we could say to the same child: "You are a responsible
person, and you are learning new skills each day on how to actually meet your
responsibilities to do your homework and to keep your room clean." When they
fail, we should encourage them by saying, "We'll try again tomorrow, so that
you'll be able to acquire more skills on how to become the responsible person
you are capable of being." Statements like this will encourage positive self-
esteem and the desire to try harder next time.
We must bear in mind that our belief in the child has to be sincere and
honest, as children have a special ability to tell if our interaction with them
is honest or not.
This principle of believing in the person and not judging his future by
his past behaviors is also a key to a good marriage and to an effective
employer-employee relationship. People's performance is usually based upon the
faith and the expectations that others have in and of them.
I've seen children's marks in school go up or down drastically based on what
they perceived to be the teacher's opinion of them. The more positive the
opinion was, the better the child's performance.
Try it -- it works!
